woha..

I feel like I have felt this before. Yes... this feeling is like something that has happened before. But why? The question really is when... How could this speak truth when it is a dream? Is it possible to have felt this in a dream before as well?? But why? I heard dreams mean something.. what could this mean? I know eventually I will feel this way one day, but when that day comes I will try to be stronger. Over time I will be more understanding.

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I am unsure. What do I say? What do I do? I wish you could hear my thoughts, and understand. But there is too much happening at the moment, so I do not wish to force that on you... So I keep them in the dark. My emotions and thoughts, stop at a stand still. I am sorry I am so useless. But I will do what I can. Tell me and I'll do it. Say so and it'll be done.

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I understand... not only do my memories tell me that I have been through it, but my dreams tell me I have. Many times over and over again. Many times I have suffered and stayed put. There is a possibility that I gave up once [in my dreams of course] but it didn't end pretty. That is why... That's why I will not give up. Not on myself, and not on you. That is why YOU must not give up.

To be honest it seems I dream when I am asleep... very little do I get pure sleep without dreaming, probably why my body feels weak, but I can't help this. I see many things in these dreams, and most of the time I remember one or two of them, but I tell you there are more than that...

My point is, I feel like I have seen almost all points of views from many situations. Laying everything on the table, I have killed someone, I have saved someone, I have lost someone. I am not saying I know everything, far from it... But I am saying I understand. Do not believe me as you wish, but I feel it some how. There may be explanations but no one, even me, will believe it easily.

That aside. I am here. I am not going anywhere any time soon. So don't give up just yet. There are answers to your questions. There are solutions to your problems. But all without trying hard is impossible. So don't give up.

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Sunshine lollipops and, rainbows....

holding onto the hands that belong to the people I care so much for, I let go for a second and watch them dance in the light, so magnificently. The sweat and dew sparkle in the lights, giving life not only to the surroundings but also to my cold heavy heart. It's warm now. I'll hold on tighter next time... if there is a next time. Please take care of yourself. I'll meet you soon.