looks like this title has been used before

Girls... you don't know what you do to me. *slobber* .... *wakes up and slurps slobber*

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I feel so lazy T___T or tired... so much to do.. so little my brain can handle. Thinking about it just makes me stress/go crazy. But no worries, I will eat the cake one bite at a time =] I wish I am able to buy two cakes with 1 dollar. bahaha

Ok toodles friends.

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caught you

woha..

I feel like I have felt this before. Yes... this feeling is like something that has happened before. But why? The question really is when... How could this speak truth when it is a dream? Is it possible to have felt this in a dream before as well?? But why? I heard dreams mean something.. what could this mean? I know eventually I will feel this way one day, but when that day comes I will try to be stronger. Over time I will be more understanding.

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I am unsure. What do I say? What do I do? I wish you could hear my thoughts, and understand. But there is too much happening at the moment, so I do not wish to force that on you... So I keep them in the dark. My emotions and thoughts, stop at a stand still. I am sorry I am so useless. But I will do what I can. Tell me and I'll do it. Say so and it'll be done.

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I understand... not only do my memories tell me that I have been through it, but my dreams tell me I have. Many times over and over again. Many times I have suffered and stayed put. There is a possibility that I gave up once [in my dreams of course] but it didn't end pretty. That is why... That's why I will not give up. Not on myself, and not on you. That is why YOU must not give up.

To be honest it seems I dream when I am asleep... very little do I get pure sleep without dreaming, probably why my body feels weak, but I can't help this. I see many things in these dreams, and most of the time I remember one or two of them, but I tell you there are more than that...

My point is, I feel like I have seen almost all points of views from many situations. Laying everything on the table, I have killed someone, I have saved someone, I have lost someone. I am not saying I know everything, far from it... But I am saying I understand. Do not believe me as you wish, but I feel it some how. There may be explanations but no one, even me, will believe it easily.

That aside. I am here. I am not going anywhere any time soon. So don't give up just yet. There are answers to your questions. There are solutions to your problems. But all without trying hard is impossible. So don't give up.

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Sunshine lollipops and, rainbows....

holding onto the hands that belong to the people I care so much for, I let go for a second and watch them dance in the light, so magnificently. The sweat and dew sparkle in the lights, giving life not only to the surroundings but also to my cold heavy heart. It's warm now. I'll hold on tighter next time... if there is a next time. Please take care of yourself. I'll meet you soon.

crouching in the shadows

Why do you sit there? The floor is dirty...

Curled up into a ball, what are you afraid of? Are you not cold? Such a small frame, curled up in the shadows, hiding from the world. You cover your face, your eyes, your tears; but you don't fool me. I am blind at the moment, but I still know you are reaching out. You are lonely, tired and scared. People walk past you, as if it were normal, as if you are insignificant - and you feel insignificant.

If only... if only I had the courage, the strength.. the strength to lend out my hand and support you. But I... even I am reaching out for a hand. However, the thought has crossed my mind, maybe together this world won't seem so crazy. Maybe... no. I will be stronger, I will be stable. I will be your rock.

So don't hide any more. My hands aren't reaching for you, my arms are calling for you and let them warm your heart. Tears are reserved for the dead and happiness. Now... now there is nothing to fear. Stand up on your two feet and be MY rock when I falter.

To... my pet rock.

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Victim of the media, no casualty of the media. I wish not to walk that path. This is exactly what they want people to do. I never actually thought it would work.

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"So one day I walked down my street and I get called racist names by the neighbour hood kids. Any fool and beat them up, they are probably 5-8 years younger than me. But it takes someone special to smile and walk away, without feeling bad. "

- Don't lose sight of what is important.

sawaruna

sonani daijimono omouna. anta wa itsumo sono youna iru kara, sonani taihenna sekai dewa nai. itsumo dare demo ahou mitai ni naru kara, mou yametekureyo. hitori de susumu ja iinja. mou anta nokoto dameda, ore no genaki da. kimi nokoto mitometanai kara, kokode kiero kure.

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Strange. Today I didn't bring my glasses to uni - not the strange part - when I look at people and other things everything is quite blurry. However, I look at the sky and it doesn't seem to have changed much even with glasses on. Maybe a little more clarity but that is pretty much it. The edges and colours and .. lols they seem the same.

And at night my eye sight gets so bad it is impossible to look at anyone. And yes.. I went through the physics of it.. Since it is dark, the light is insufficient to reflect the light from the surfaces into my eyeballs reducing quality of image. As seeing is dependant on light being reflected into the iris or whatever the receptor cells are, being night, the lack of lights will cause your eye sight seem less proficient.

I should be an optometrist :L I don't think anyone would trust me with their eyes.. I don't trust myself with my eyes haha

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nanimo attakara, nanimo kawarani hazu dakedo... nanimo attanani nanka nanika kawareta.

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my love for food has rekindled. PLEASE BE CHEAP!!! =D

ps. i am sure there was something i wanted to write.. but i either cant think of it, or think it is appropriate ;]

mm...

He stood at the round about, turning, looking at each stretch.

The 4 roads that cars, motor bikes and buses take.

The 8 pathways for the bikes 2 in each lane.

and the 8 side walks for pedestrians.

Turning. Turning... not knowing what exactly differs from each, but knowing that which ever stretch he chooses will lead to a different area. He can't go back, because he doesn't know how he got there. He can't be guided by those who pass by because they don't understand him. One question normal people would ask is "Which way is the best way?", but he asks "If I go this way how do deal with it? and how do fix it if I break it?"

Despite these ridiculous questions, he asks, expects, desires for simplicity. For things to roll naturally and not to worry so much about the finer details of what really is nothing. What a hypocrite.

So which path does he take?

Of course, he sits there and looks up. Many times he looks down at his palms due to neck pain, but always returns to the sky. Be it blue, cloudy, dark; the sky is the same as looking into his palms, his mind, his heart. He is the sky, and the sky part of him.

There are times when the sky does not behave, but really they is his emotions and thoughts that do not behave.

So what next?

~~~~~~~~~

bahaha good luck =]

General Blogging

Well yesterday I was in a FABULOUS mood, so I decided to walk around Guildford since I didn't want to be home. So I walked to the many parks around here and walked straight to my forest. It isnt exactly a forest since there are houses like 50m away and pipelines next to it. But there was a decent 80-100m of space for me to roam in knee length grass and stuff. Really reminded me of cadets and camping. Except.. there was a park bench in the middle of this.

Here I sat and meditated and became enlightened. I knew the limits and the world and my world and I started to fly. No really, I ... risked the limits of my body =D ANYWHO!!! It was only the beginning. I wanted to sit on the swings but the park was taken up by 2 dogs and 2 girls.. 3 m above ground level.

SO! I walked to the place I thought I would get kidnapped. Ready to fight I beefed up and psyched myself up.. well I didn't need psyching. "Like hell I'd get kidnapped." Next thing you know I did! Jks. I got to the boring park and decided to exceed my limits and parkour. Yes.. at a park... Despite how ridiculous this sounds, it was 5ish and pretty dark. SO! I decided to do a few crazy things, forgetting consequences and ended up with a decent amount of bruises =D

Don't worry, I haven't broken anything yet, and I like bruises.. they feel good to rub don't you think? No? I like talking to myself.

Yeah, I think one day I'll learn to parkour and then do it at uni =] and die. That thought wasn't far from my mind, but it is stupid for something so small. So no point =] I got home, sweaty, wobbly [since i havent ran around like a crazy bastard in a while] and smelt fantastic [not really].

The end =]

Procrastination plan1 (success)*

Terms and condition

*I will not be responsible for your lack of actions and lack of study. You can sue me, but.. I don't have a job so DO IT! I dare you! [except.. don't read this blog in..10 years time.. I will cry if you actually do it..]

Sign

signature ~ - ~ _ ~ - ~ Name: (printed)

_________________ ____________________

Thank you come again.

Dear sister,

Dear sister,

I have no right to be in your affairs and I have no right to tell you what you should and shouldn't do, but I want you to consider how hard your own sister is working towards such a... profound future. There are not many siblings that are willing to go out on a limb to save their other siblings from making, what they think, is a huge mistake. This alone should stop you in your tracks and tell you something. Also, there aren't many teenage kids who even consider this sort of thing. Do not underestimate her words. I am not old enough to know what you are thinking nor what you may think will happen, but I can presume. I can make guesses but what I think doesn't matter.

You might be scared. I don't understand why you would be scared for. You have such an amazing sister why? As dysfunctional your family may seem, I truly believe you do not wish for another family. I would love to hear your side of the story, but I know someone who would love to hear it more than I do.

There are many paths to take, which one do you choose? The one you follow now does not seem like it is the path anyone wants to take as a child/teen. Let the sunlight in and open your eyes to the many possibility this "crummy" world has to offer. I know if something bad happens, a certain someone will blame herself for it.

~~~~~

I have discovered how much I dislike change. It makes me uncomfortable, disgusting and often sick. Despite this, I can't live without change. It is what makes us who we are, it is what brings us life and death, and it is what defines us. I can't stop this notion of change, so my answer is adapt. That is how life is designed to be. I will power through this uncomfortable feeling, learn to not become sick and become stronger. Will you move forward?

From Friend.

There I sat...

At the dinner table about to finish my dinner. My brothers have finished and left the table. And there I sat. In front of me are the two greatest men I have known... right in front of me. My dad who has been through more than I'll ever know, and my dad's dad who has been through probably more than my dad - and [probably] more hardship I will ever know...

As I finish my dinner, (I get up and start to walk to the sink with the plates and bowls I ate with), I learnt... my grandpa speaks more BS than my dad does!

He said "If you feed your wife so much... she will get fat!" I couldn't help but smile at this random comment. Then I remember how much BS my grandpa says and he says it as if he is mega serious...

The two men I most admire...

ps. I say as much BS as they do =P

happy mothers day =]

nan no tame ni? kuyashi yo. nande darou? kurushi da kedo... mou wakanai. dou de mo ii omou kamoshiran. iipon karu tsumori kedo... mou tsukareta. tsukareta noni, iku tsumori. dakara daredemo tomaranai de.

aahhhaaa. it is a crazy time of the day.. and i am blogging... 0o i am gonna really feel it later today and tmorrow.. and most likely the week.

BUT!!!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY EVERYONE!!!

I hope oyu guys reminded how much your mum means to you, and how amazing they are =] cos IF you are reading this, it means you are a pretty alright person, and you have only your family and friends to thank for that [[but mostly family] so make sure you tell them, be it morning, arvo, or night. as long as you get it out and tell them it is all good.

you know why they make these days?? cos normality is considered boring, and boredom leads to and in closely related to nothing special. in reality we forget the small and important things, and THIS is why we have these days, to remind ourselves that we are taking for granted for somethings, and it is about time we remind the important thing how much they mean to us =]

Like in cadets.. after not showering for 5 days, a hot shower [on a 35 degree day mind] felt... AMAZING!!! now i shower 2 times almost everyday and not once have i not appriciated hot water, and water alone. i dont shower long so i am not the cause of the aussie drought ok??

~~~

stumbling on my thoughts, my tounge rolls out like a carpet to be treaded on. tripping on nothing other than my own questions, i dont even search for an answer. give up

or thought of accepting it

~~~

you ask why am i up at 3 am?? well ^^| i was reading manga until 1. cos i lost track of time... then i went to bed.. and felt really guilty that i didnt write a card for mum. [cos i normally do] so i got all comfy and what not in bed.. and after 30 seconds i got up irritated, unable to push the thought of no card] and put all my clothes back on [yes i sleep in my undies and boxes <- makes me sound like a hobo.. not cardboard boxes lah] and made an awesome card for mum =]

~~~

i have so much i want to do, but i have so much i have to do, i so little time for something that takes up so long, endless questions, zero answers.

mystery of life or is it really? (SIL)

--- for adam tokidoki kimi to yatorenwa =] <- it doesnt happen to be in the dictionary.. so i dont know you can ask a jap person LOL

alright boys and gals.. hanson is out and cold - ish.

ps. i feel like doing a sport or some physical activity till i run out of breathe and feel the pain of breathing pure fresh air, until my muscles ache for the next few days, or my brain loses the blood so everything seems so much lighter and brighter than they are. not cos i am punishing myself - that isnt punishment =] - but because it feels good, and reminds me on being a live.. stuck at a table and what not kills me..

Cos you don't need to worry about that

Well, new month new resolution! jks =P

more like [re]solution... ok no. I have possibly sorted out something that is of importance in my mind. So I guess this means there will be slight changes in my world, however, I don't expect it to happen over night or drastically change over a matter of days. <- please read that sentence carefully if you are going to read into it. I suggest you don't look into it too much, yet don't take it lightly. Cos it is sort of weighs 5 billion newtons...

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"have you asked mum and dad if they want help.." psht! stupid baka yaro! my brother is such a... simple minded butt in the face sometimes. haha maybe he confuses the things I do with the things he doesn't do.

- complain corner - bom BOM BOM!!!!

Well as you don't know, my grandma is at shang hai partying at the clubs and living the high life =P and my brothers seem to be completely oblivious to the fact that 1. my grandma is getting old and she cant do everything she used to be able to 2. that my parents cant do all the chores and stuff my grandma did while she was here.

I have cleaned the house, on my own, multiple times; helped out at the warehouse more that my brothers put together [hence the huge biceps] and helped out with the chores despite being late and in a hurry.chores:vacuum the house, mop the floor, fold the clothes, put the clothes up, take the clothes down, wash the dishes *3 =P, water the plants, take the water out, put the bowls out, clean the table, set the table... that's about it.It doesn't seem much... IF I HAD NOTHING ELSE TO DO!ahou brothers. Ok they do some chores occasionally ONLY if initiate it, and do the chores as well. ri-bloody diculous.Also, the warehouse can take up half to all of the day's time. It was from 2-7, and other day 11 to 6. Useless pieces of poo. I would not feed them lols.. fix their attitudes and bloody get up earlier!! not 12pm!most of the chores are done before 12 for goodness sakes..

blah..

~~~

umm so... a heck of a lot of quizzes and studying and assignments to do. so I might just disappear for a week or 2.

自分で考えろ。そうした。そして、答えが見つけた。

yet again, I did four rights - some body help me out of the circle

It's not up to me no more, i cant decide the way my heart feels - I'm in trouble

it is a 360 turn, it's ended where we began - a heart ain't a brain.

baaabbbeeyyyeeeyy [-] you got's the music groove ?